Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
