Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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