whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
