I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
