He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
