I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
