There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
