i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Never underestimate the power of titties
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
