There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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