they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
