Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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