My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
