after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
