I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
