Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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