be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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