I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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