Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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