It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
