just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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