when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
