Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
