Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
