I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
