get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
