she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize