She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
