I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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