I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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