i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
