who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
