I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
