holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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