So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
nutella sex= disaster
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
