Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
