I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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