I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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