So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
