When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
