my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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