happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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