I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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