I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
