Jerry, you need to find god
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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