i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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