girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
