EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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