Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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