I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
