I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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