My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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