i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
