if i can run in heels then i can drive
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize