Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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