hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
