I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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