Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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