He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
