I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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