is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We had to coat check the pizza.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
