I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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