it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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