know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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