Umm I'm too high to move.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
