We're facebook friends in real life
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
