just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
