Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
