How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
