Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
